Thursday, September 3, 2009
Change: Going All Out
So something happened today. I don't know what but it's as if a match was lit inside me. I'm so fired up. Something seemingly small happened at work and it was, as they say, the straw that broke the camel's back.
I went home last week to Boston and it became strikingly clear that something had to give. A change. I felt it but was not quite sure what to do with it. The feelings made being in Boston hard and leaving, even harder. Since I have been back I have been tossing thoughts in my head. On the bus, I sit and dissect my life. I look at each piece of it. Is this working? Is this what I want? What to do? How to change? What to change? You know how when something is going on in your life it seems as though the whole world is making references to it. That's how it is. This morning I was on the bus reading "The Secret Life of Bees", (great book) and a line in it was,
May was saying that when it's time to die,
go ahead and die,
and when it's time to live, live.
Don't sort-of-maybe live,
but live like you're going all out,
like you're not afraid.
Today something pushed. It's not like everything is clear but it's starting to make a little more sense. I hate that I have to be at work right now, in a cube, staring at spreadsheets because all I want to do is go home and make things happen.
I know I am being vague right now but it is not as a teaser. It is because I am writing this as it develops. I don't think it will be one change, I am hoping for a series of changes. A series of steps that bring me somewhere new and exciting. When I write things, even just to myself, it makes it real. Sharing it with whoever reads this, makes it even stronger. Hopefully that strength will carry me when I don't feel as excited as I do right now. Carry me through the mornings when the guy at the coffee shop does not add a shot of espresso to my coffee. Wish me luck. I promise to update with more detail. When there are details.