Because of my silence, the words I have to share are tripping over themselves, racing one another to make it to the page. Writing is how I organize my thoughts and so my mind right now is like taking the contents of your desk and dumping it all over the floor. Excuse the mess while I pick everything up and put it back where it belongs. I guess I should just say it and then we can begin to backtrack and I will do my best to catch you up.
Nick and I are expecting a baby on May 19th.
It's true. It's still hard to believe but the pounding heartbeat that we got to hear yesterday tells me it is real. I have been very sick and so I have spent more time thinking about how to feel better than I have about becoming a mother. I am also a worrier (inherited from my father) so I have been afraid to share too early. I had this strong desire to take the news, celebrate privately, bundle it up, and keep it safe. With two ultrasounds, a strong heartbeat, and a scheduled appointment to find out the sex (10:40am on December 20th), I am getting more comfortable with embracing my new role.
Pregnancy is more of a journey than I ever could have imagined and I still have a long way to go. It blows my mind that every person that exists is because of a woman who has gone through this process. I try to think about that and it brings me comfort and a new level of respect for every mother I know.
I am excited to start to feel movement and to find out boy or girl. I do not really have a preference and I go back and forth every day on what I think. The overall votes lean more heavily toward girl and if it is a girl, the name is finalized. If it is a boy, we are very up in the air. Yes, I will share the sex. No, I will not share the name.
|Our Baby at 12w 3d. I love that little face.|
Thank you for coming back to my blog after such an extended break. At least now, you might understand why. Moms always say that after the baby is born, you forget this time. My intention is to write on here more often, to share with you this journey, good and bad. This will not turn into a pregnancy or mom blog but as that is a part of my life now, it is a part of this blog.
I am reminded back to my first post. Nick and I were living together in the blue duplex in uptown. I hated my job and we were unmarried. Sometimes in the movement of everyday afternoons, you forget how much your life has changed, how far you have come. But when you take a moment, you realize you have arrived somewhere new, a place you did not know you could ever reach. My entire adult life, I have wondered if I would be able to have children, if Nick and I would create the family that we have talked so endlessly about. It has taken me months to let the gravity of the present settle in. Late this spring, Nick and I will be parents. This summer, I will hold a baby in my arms and it will belong to us.
|Nick and I meeting our niece Kaia for the first time.|