It's true I have not adopted writing here as I did my high school journals. I spread my life over the pages of five notebooks between ninth grade and freshman year of college. They are filled with pages and pages of over dramatized crushes, arguments with friends, and detailed descriptions of seemingly mundane events that were apparently a big deal. It's so funny to read because there is a vague memory of being that person but at the same time, that feels like another life. And just to be clear, I am very okay with that.
My writing has always been for me. Nobody else. The second the thought gets in my head that I'm writing for somebody else, my interest fades. It's not that I don't want to share and for most of my life I have said I wanted to be a writer but the idea is that it has to come from somewhere real and when you start thinking too much about an audience, you change.
I also wonder if Nick is part of the reason I don't write as much. Not Nick so much, but love. So much of my writing had been about the stuff before relationships. In that way I had followed the same formula as a romantic comedy, it ends with the kiss and the insinuation of a happy ending versus seeing the relationship play out. It's funny when you think about that. Realizing you like somebody, that they like you, and the first kiss- that is such a small (incredibly wonderful) but small piece of a love story.
And as exciting as the beginnings are,
the best stuff comes later....