Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Doctor Advice: You'll Breathe Even If You Don't Try

Something is not right. For the past week and a half my body has been experiencing some sort of attack and it's taking everything in me not to completely freak out.
I am having moments where i feel like I can't breathe,
like I'm going to lose consciousness, like my body does not want to work anymore. I feel like I am fighting against myself just for normal function. I have never experienced anything like this before and it is scary and frustrating.

I was in the emergency room on Thursday night/Friday morning and all the big tests were normal so that's good- but it's not getting better. I was back in the doctor's on Saturday and then Monday and on the phone with them on Tuesday.

I am at work now because I am negative with time-off so I feel like I have to be. It is manageable sitting at my desk when I can just keep to myself, interactions can be challenging. And how I feel changes minute to minute. One second I think I'm okay and the next, I see myself hitting the floor.

I had to write about this just to get it out. I have tried so many times to explain the symptoms to doctors, nurses, loved ones. I want so badly to feel better and be okay.
One thing I am grateful for is a doctor who listens and who is willing to test and examine. She makes me feel like I am being taken care of. She is not the only one. Nick has been wonderful. My friends have reached out to me with kind words and even baked goods and my sisters have been checking on me. It is comforting to know that when these things happen, that your support system kicks into gear. It makes the days a little easier. And I know that with every day and new test we are one step closer to solving this. Being patient (or being a patient) can be hard sometimes and I really have to not do too many web searches or self diagnosing. I have to listen to the doctors advice and just- focus on breathing.

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