I did not want to come in today. Not at all. Now that I'm here, I realize I'm not the only one that felt that way. Most of my team is MIA. This weekend went by way too fast.
Sometimes I can't help but want to shake out my life. I play with the idea of throwing away everything that I'm "supposed to do" and figure out what I really want.
What would that even look like?? I actually have no idea.
1. I love to travel
2. I need to write
3. I am newly married and plan to keep that guy around
4. I have friends and family that I wish I saw more.
So maybe I would travel around with Nick and write. Yup, that's it.
Except I also have two dogs that I adore and I don't want to leave them behind. Shoot. And Nick has this crazy idea that we shouldn't spend all of our wedding money on travel as we also someday want to have a family and we will need a place to live and babies are expensive.
We are going to Australia in December but selfishly, it's not enough. Yes, Australia is a total dream for us. We long to be back down under, living a life that is slow and beautiful and easy. But I think it's wrong that in order to go, we have to spend every last hour of vacation time and come back with the feeling that we've had our fun, time to work. I don't want that.
Not to say I'm not willing to work for what I have, but if Oprah is right, and of course she is, the work that I'm meant to do won't feel like work, and shouldn't leave me feeling like I'm here because I have to be. The supposed to be that pushes me out of bed every day should be the soul stirring supposed to and not the nagging bills are due supposed to. Sometimes, I forget all of this.
Often I get caught up in schedules, responsiblities, fears of what other will think and I fall in line - I drag myself out of bed, get dressed, walk to the lightrail, and squish onto the train with a bunch of other people that look from their exhausted faces that they also would rather be someplace else.
Why do we do that?? We know life is short. I was told that when I grew up that I could be whatever I wanted. I was also told to always make sure I have insurance. I have found those two statements conflicting. I have to work a 9-5 because I have to make money to pay bills. It doesn't seem like that good of a reason. Can't I make money doing something else? Can't I not have so many bills? But when do I have time to figure out my life plan? When can I sit down and firmly declare- I'm going to drive a bus and write haikus.
Last week Sam was over my place for pizza and wine. We started watching episodes of Arrested Development and then started talking about boys. She missed the last bus back to her place so the decision was made that she would stay over and I would lend her clothes. As it got later, one of us suggested playing hooky from work. "In a year what will you remember more?" Sam asked.
"In a week what will you remember more?" I half joked. That was that.
We stayed up until almost 3:00am watching good tv, drinking cheap wine, and talking about relationships. It was like high school (minus the wine). (Krystal, had you not snuck away when you did- this could have been you!)
On Thursday- we slept in, made pancakes, went grocery shopping, made chili, watched more Arrested Development, and napped. It was so simple and fun. By the time I drove Sam home that evening, I was relaxed and ready for a one day work week.