Sleepless Words: Free Pass

Emaline and I move through most days on a steady rhythm. There are smalls bumps and detours but we have learned each other. I know what she needs and how to soothe her. I know when she needs sleep and I know when we can play. And I knew yesterday that she just wanted to be held. Most of the day, everything was done with a baby in my arms. And as I held her and flipped through an old notebook, I found something I wrote when she was brand new. It is choppy and incomplete because so were my thoughts when this fell onto the page.

 When so much nothing is everything.

Days are filled to the brim. I move with intention and blurry focus. But when the sun settles for the night and my body curls into the dark, I search for something to show and have nothing new to present.

The baby sleeps and a growing to do list rattles my thoughts. Her tiny chest moves up and down. These are the days with a new baby.

This time is fleeting, so temporary, and so important that I carry a pass. A pass that allows one subject to press my mind and consume my heart.

But still, I search and yearn and promise that tomorrow there will be more.