Big Things: Focus

Portsmouth

This year, more than any other, seems to carry focus. Not because of some determined resolution but 

because of a path that I have slowly, oh so slowly, been wearing down and creating.

But before I can press my feet into the dirt and continue, I need to take a little bit of time to reflect. A year has ended and a new one has shuffled into place. In reflecting on 2015, the year of balance, it took me a moment to recognize the year as it was. Most of the changes, with some serious exception, are small. A few are light, simple, and fun. But my reason for creating a list is to provide a reminder, context. And in this post of introspection, I realize that 2015 was the year in which this quote proved true:





We rang in 2015 at our house with some of my best college friends. It was wonderful!

A few weeks later, Nick, Emaline, and I flew to Sanibel, Florida with my parents. We rode bikes, collected shells, watched sunsets, drank jai-alai, and swam in the ocean.

While we were there we found out that my Nana Rice was very sick. We wondered if we needed to return home early, but the decision was made for us when a massive snowstorm shut down New England. When we were able to get back,we spent time with my Nana before she passed away.

Nick pulling Emaline through the backyard of the house where my Mom grew up.

My Uncle Paul doing something on the roof. My Nana watching us through the window. The last day we saw her.

On my birthday, we said goodbye to my last grandparent. I wrote about her here. We spent the next few months buried in snow.

When finally the last bit of white melted away, we broke the record for the snowiest winter in Boston's recorded history. And moving forward from that hibernation, I realize now, how many small changes happened then:

• Started a number of house projects 
• Tended the yard and gardens around our home
• Discovered podcasts 
• Continued to simplify, declutter, and slow my home
• Began eating more fruits and veggies with a daily smoothie
• Got myself to enjoy black coffee
• Started wearing lipstick. (It only took me 32 years to decide that I liked the way it looked.) 
• Learned to like cooking a bit more and picked up a few recipes
• Took a painting class
• Attended networking events
• Found a workout class that I really enjoy and have stuck with it. Barre!

In May, we celebrated Emaline's second birthday with a big party at our house and got her a swing-set. A few weeks later, Nick had to go to Amsterdam for a work conference and I took the opportunity to join him. We left Emaline with my Mom and traveled Bruges and Amsterdam for six days. It was a great reminder how much Nick and I love to travel together and want that for our family in the years to come. We also:

• Traveled to Minneapolis three times
• Vacationed on the Cape
• Visited the National Seashore
• Hosted a number of family and friends

The day after we returned from Europe, the organization that I serve as a volunteer board member had our biggest event of the year! We shut down the main street in Portsmouth to host the Stiletto Sprint! A short race run in heels (men and women) to raise money for Big Brothers Big Sisters. It was an incredible event and I am so proud to be a part of it. In our last meeting, I agreed to take a higher position on the board for this coming year.

And at the end of the summer, I got an offer to join a long term writing project. An author who I love and respect is writing a historical fiction novel and has asked me to research and edit. I officially started on September 1st and it is the best!

In addition to this list, are the countless days I have spent with Emaline. Often we are in pajamas, playing hide and seek or babies or kitchen or coloring or singing or freeze dancing. I will admit that sometimes Emaline has to say "Mama, play with me!" before I decide that it is okay to stop what I am doing (this included) and be with her completely. But every night when I squeeze her in my arms before tucking her in, I know this is a time to cherish. And I do. She is no longer a baby but a little person. She is smart, funny, thoughtful, and curious. She counts, sings, knows her colors and letters, uses a high-pitched voice when we play pretend. Every day she does something that just pulls on my heart. This morning she hid stuffed animals in Nick's jacket pocket to surprise him when he went to work.

So 2016, I am ready for you. 2016 is the year of focus. Travel. Finances. Family. Friends. Writing.

Happy New Year!

New Year: One Word

A few weeks ago, I told Nick about an author who intentionally lives each year carrying a one word theme. Growth. Change. Fun.

Nick caught me off guard today by asking if I chose my word. It was an interesting idea but I hadn't intended to pick a word. Usually I am able to identify themes only in hindsight, after the surprise twists of time begin to make sense. But as he asked me, the word rolled forward as though called upon and letters bolded in my mind.

Balance.

A little bit more and a little bit less of all of the parts of my life that matter. I walk a tightrope carrying all of the things that I hold dear. It is easy to forget to look up, to lose my footing, to not stop for a breath. Balance.

Happy 2015. May you find your word, whether you know it or not.  


Also, I keep thinking about this post from a few years ago and this one as well.

Writing Update: Finding Balance

Autumn is coming fast this year. The mornings are cool and crisp and I have started pulling on layers and sparking up wood in the fireplace. This time of year usually makes me want to nest, to stay inside and cuddle and clean. This fall is different.

The dropping of leaves, encourages us to hunker down, to slow our pace. This September lives are speeding up and taking off. Most of the friends that I see on a regular basis, are experiencing their own versions of change. I am not alone in figuring out my days.

Three of my favorite friends have new babies and another friend is about to move and then go on tour for a few months and Nick is beyond busy right now with a schedule as follows:
Monday- soccer
Tuesday- class
Wednesday- soccer
Thursday- class
Sprinkle in a full time job and homework.

I spend my days: drinking coffee, having one-sided conversations with Duke and Toby, and writing. I enjoy my time and could not ask for a better opportunity. I am also grateful for the cool mornings and football Sundays but I am feeling a little restless.

My extroversion is fighting against my natural desire to be home and create.

On hot August mornings, I started my day with iced coffee and yard work. The heat and the newness of my career was enough to allow me to settle into my desk without feeling like the sun was wasted. 

As the days get cooler, I realize that soon I will not want to step outside and I don't have to. I am beyond excited to not have to trudge outside when it is negative degrees but I know that to be happy- I need to find a balance. A balance between being alone and time with friends. I have not yet figured it out.

I knew it would be one of my biggest challenges. I  am an extremely social person and relationships are more important to me than anything. Even in writing, it is the intricacies of human connection that interest me most.



The other side to this is finding what I want to do, without influence. I have a tendency to pursue activities because a friend is interested. Not often enough, will I venture out if it means going by myself. I need to get better at that! I am trying. I went to yoga at 8:30 yesterday morning. Which by my standards, is very early. Tonight I am going to a book reading. If I say it here, I am much more likely to follow through.

Any suggestions you have for finding balance, are much appreciated. 

PS: While I have been writing this, Toby has been chasing a fly through my office.

PPS: I cannot shop right now due to budget restrictions and Anthropologie has more amazing stuff than ever before! If I could only have one, it'd be this.