Parenting: A Little Crunchy

A few weeks ago, a mom friend was telling me about the health reset she was leading at her gym. I mentioned that I could use something like that and she commented that I already practice some of what she was teaching and that I was "a little crunchy". She did not mean it in a negative way but it gave me pause. I had never thought of myself as crunchy. In that moment, I could see myself as she did- Emaline and I cook homemade granola for goodness sake!

As somebody who overthinks things, the phrase tossed in my mind. I was stuck, not on whether she was right but when did this happen? I had not always been this way. I used to not read labels or think twice about where my money went. I used to think a bagel for breakfast and frozen pizza for dinner constituted a well-balanced diet. But somewhere, something changed.

And I began to hear myself: talk about the food we eat, the products I purchase, my desire to buy and own less, and my hope that the planet begins to tilt in a more conscious way.

I have to admit, it does sound a little crunchy.

But it's not. Not really. It is just wanting better. It is being aware of the problems that we face and wanting to make changes to make the world a happier, healthier, more peaceful place. If not for me, then for Emaline. 

I realized then when this happened: When I became a mom. 

I was eight months pregnant when my hometown was bombed. I have to shut the television off because the news is too much for a little person to see. The first time I fed my child a jar of baby food, a rash broke out on her face. The day she was born, I looked at her and knew I would do anything to keep her safe. The list goes on.

As a parent, your stake in the game changes. I feel responsible, not only for my child but the world that is left to her. And so things began to shift. It will never be perfect but I can never stop trying. 

Change requires making conscious decisions, small choices over and over that will improve her life today and tomorrow. I am striving for something better and I think things like kindness, generosity, and taking care of our planet are keys to getting there. I also love homemade granola. So I guess I am a little crunchy.

Big Things: Focus

Portsmouth

This year, more than any other, seems to carry focus. Not because of some determined resolution but 

because of a path that I have slowly, oh so slowly, been wearing down and creating.

But before I can press my feet into the dirt and continue, I need to take a little bit of time to reflect. A year has ended and a new one has shuffled into place. In reflecting on 2015, the year of balance, it took me a moment to recognize the year as it was. Most of the changes, with some serious exception, are small. A few are light, simple, and fun. But my reason for creating a list is to provide a reminder, context. And in this post of introspection, I realize that 2015 was the year in which this quote proved true:





We rang in 2015 at our house with some of my best college friends. It was wonderful!

A few weeks later, Nick, Emaline, and I flew to Sanibel, Florida with my parents. We rode bikes, collected shells, watched sunsets, drank jai-alai, and swam in the ocean.

While we were there we found out that my Nana Rice was very sick. We wondered if we needed to return home early, but the decision was made for us when a massive snowstorm shut down New England. When we were able to get back,we spent time with my Nana before she passed away.

Nick pulling Emaline through the backyard of the house where my Mom grew up.

My Uncle Paul doing something on the roof. My Nana watching us through the window. The last day we saw her.

On my birthday, we said goodbye to my last grandparent. I wrote about her here. We spent the next few months buried in snow.

When finally the last bit of white melted away, we broke the record for the snowiest winter in Boston's recorded history. And moving forward from that hibernation, I realize now, how many small changes happened then:

• Started a number of house projects 
• Tended the yard and gardens around our home
• Discovered podcasts 
• Continued to simplify, declutter, and slow my home
• Began eating more fruits and veggies with a daily smoothie
• Got myself to enjoy black coffee
• Started wearing lipstick. (It only took me 32 years to decide that I liked the way it looked.) 
• Learned to like cooking a bit more and picked up a few recipes
• Took a painting class
• Attended networking events
• Found a workout class that I really enjoy and have stuck with it. Barre!

In May, we celebrated Emaline's second birthday with a big party at our house and got her a swing-set. A few weeks later, Nick had to go to Amsterdam for a work conference and I took the opportunity to join him. We left Emaline with my Mom and traveled Bruges and Amsterdam for six days. It was a great reminder how much Nick and I love to travel together and want that for our family in the years to come. We also:

• Traveled to Minneapolis three times
• Vacationed on the Cape
• Visited the National Seashore
• Hosted a number of family and friends

The day after we returned from Europe, the organization that I serve as a volunteer board member had our biggest event of the year! We shut down the main street in Portsmouth to host the Stiletto Sprint! A short race run in heels (men and women) to raise money for Big Brothers Big Sisters. It was an incredible event and I am so proud to be a part of it. In our last meeting, I agreed to take a higher position on the board for this coming year.

And at the end of the summer, I got an offer to join a long term writing project. An author who I love and respect is writing a historical fiction novel and has asked me to research and edit. I officially started on September 1st and it is the best!

In addition to this list, are the countless days I have spent with Emaline. Often we are in pajamas, playing hide and seek or babies or kitchen or coloring or singing or freeze dancing. I will admit that sometimes Emaline has to say "Mama, play with me!" before I decide that it is okay to stop what I am doing (this included) and be with her completely. But every night when I squeeze her in my arms before tucking her in, I know this is a time to cherish. And I do. She is no longer a baby but a little person. She is smart, funny, thoughtful, and curious. She counts, sings, knows her colors and letters, uses a high-pitched voice when we play pretend. Every day she does something that just pulls on my heart. This morning she hid stuffed animals in Nick's jacket pocket to surprise him when he went to work.

So 2016, I am ready for you. 2016 is the year of focus. Travel. Finances. Family. Friends. Writing.

Happy New Year!

Travel: Like Writing

Bruges, Belgium. 

 On a Wednesday evening a few weeks ago, Nick and I left Emaline with my parents and boarded a plane to Amsterdam. As the trip neared, I received one of two questions: "Are you excited?" or "Are you scared to leave Emaline?" I have never been good at answering questions of this type. The honest response is trickier than expected so I just say "yes."

Emaline carried my picture in her pocket the day before I came home.

I thought about not going. I allowed waves of guilt and fear to follow me around. I polled friends and family expecting somebody to tell me what I wanted to hear. I looked at my child and knew that I would not see anything in this world as wonderful as her little face. I could not imagine being away from her for six days because we are always together and I don't want to miss even a minor change. It happens so quick. But as I lifted her from my shoulder and placed her in bed, I thought about how I wanted her to see me.

I paused the fear and the judgement and just focused on her and I. And I realized that I need to give her the best version of myself. And for me, part of that is travel.

I recently read Yes Please  and the words that stick with me are, "good for you, not for me." How I parent is not the same as how you parent. How I live my life is not the same as you live your life. And that's totally cool! I need to stop trying to meet some invisible expectation. When I let go of public perception, decisions are much simpler. The answer: Travel, like writing, makes me better. The same reason that I went, might be the same reason that another parent chooses to stay.

Nick and I are both a little better after an adventure than the version of ourselves who began. We push ourselves to new places, collect experiences, and step out of routine to look at a shiny new world.

And like that, the fear settled. It did not go away, but I was able to package it up and stow it beneath my seat. I still cried on the way to the airport and I still felt a knot in my chest whenever a small child passed us on the streets of Europe. But as our train rolled through the Belgian countryside I felt light. I took in the beauty of the area and thought about telling Emaline all about this when she gets a little older.  

IAMSTERDAM

A real Belgian waffle

New Flemish friends in Bruges, Belgium 

The Great and The Terrible: Books for Her

Emaline was not feeling well last night so we are taking it easy today. After reading a thousand books, she just fell asleep. She loves books! If she is having a moment I can almost always break her out of it by telling her to pick out any book she wants and that I will read.

A few of her favorites (that we love too) are:

1. 10 Little Fingers and 10 Little Toes
2. Dear Zoo
3. How Do I Love You
4. Brown Bear
5. Little Owl's Night
6. The Day the Crayons Quit

There are so many lovely, creative, thoughtful stories. 

And then there are the ones that make me shake my head. I can't take them out of rotation because she enjoys them and really that's what matters. But after reading them over and over, I have to share!

For example the popular Goodnight (Insert name of state). Terrible! The writing is dry and unimaginative. And in case you thought your state was special, buy a second state and discover the similarities. 

Minnesota on left, New Hampshire on right.

New Hampshire on left, Minnesota on right.

The people who wrote these books are genius in that they are obviously successful- But come on! Try a little! 

And I have to mention nursery rhymes. Emaline loves them! Itsy Bitsy Spider and Wheels on the Bus are her favorites but there are a few in her Real Mother Goose book that don't seem quite so classic.

What are some of your favorites? Any that drive you crazy?

   

New Baby: Stuff

This summer we do not have any weddings to attend. Instead, this year is all about (other people) having babies! July and August will be filled with tiny new people! As a result, I have been promising this post for a while- to share our top 10 baby items and a few lessons learned. As I wrote about here, baby registries are tricky!

What made our life easier:

1. Monkey Bouncer: Really light and easy to move around the house.

I forget she used to be this tiny.

2. Kick Piano: I was standing in the baby aisle at Target (BK: before kids) looking for a shower gift when a woman offered her unsolicited advice, "I have three little ones, whoever you're shopping for NEEDS THIS! It saved me!" And I have to say, that woman was right.

This nap is no joke. 

3. Swing: This is where Emaline took all of her naps when she was little (aside from the few times she kicked herself to sleep at her piano). We kept it in the family room so she could be part of the action.

4.Lamby: It is something I would never have thought of on my own. It was a gift when Emaline was maybe a month old and it changed our lives for the better.

5. Nail clipper: So minor yet so important. I would even go so far as to say, pack it for the hospital.

6.Bucket seat and attachable stroller frame: I loved this set. It was so easy, I could put it all together with one hand and often had to. 

7. Bottle warmer: We held out on getting one and when we finally did, we realized how silly it was to not have it. Huge time saver. We used this and my friends liked this

8. Enormous diaper bag: So many people said to me that the diaper bag could not be big enough. And now I agree. I liked that mine wasn't an obvious diaper bag but I would go bigger next time. Skip Hop has some really great options.

9. Swaddle: This kind in fleece or cotton. Sure, yes, learn to swaddle using a regular blanket but then save your exhausted self by using cheat swaddles. 

10 .Hands free pumping bra: If you plan to pump, you need this! 

And one thing I'd change: We didn't have a Boppy and I wish we did. I got My Breast Friend but because Emaline was not able to breast feed, I never used it. A boppy would have been way more versatile.

DO NOT: register for clothes or blankets! I promise you will get them anyway.
DO: register for lots and lots of wipes and butt cream (tubs, not tubes) and a changing mat. I know these things aren't glamorous but there will come a day when you are grateful for your stockpile. And your baby will not outgrow!

*All of the links take you to the product on Amazon.com because I think their registry is the best.

**This is not a sponsored post. This is just what worked for our family. And I'd love to make this process a little easier for the next person. Every baby is different and you will learn fast and know better than anybody in the world, what works for you and your baby! Good luck!

Holding Babies: Don't Try This At Home

Earlier this fall, Emaline and I were visiting my best friend Kris. We were hanging out at her house and heading upstairs. Kris had her arms full so I scooped up both babies. Kris asked me to hold on so she could take a picture. While she was snapping away, calling their names and making silly noises, I stayed still and smiled at the camera (or so I thought). This is what actually happened:

This makes me laugh so much! Notice poor little Michael's fear and Emaline's indifference turn to amusement.

Did you miss: The best friendship advice or my husband's goofy sense of humor?

My Letter to Hood: Vitamin C

Emaline snacking on a clementine.

I do not usually write letters to companies or rant publicly but this needs to be shared. A few days ago, in desperation, I contacted Hood. It is getting difficult to purchase milk for my daughter. And if you want to see an angry mom, get in the way when she is trying to feed her child.

It has become very common for companies to add synthetic abscorbic acid (vitamin c) to their products to increase shelf life. Emaline, like many babies, does not respond well to this fake additive.

From the first time she had baby food with added vitamin c (abscorbic acid), red blotches appeared all over her face. The more she consumed, the worse the blotches got. After a few tries, the culprit became obvious.

Abscorbic acid reaction. Red blotches, swollen eye, sad baby.

She does not have a problem eating anything with naturally occurring vitamin c, it is only when it is an added ingredient. Which also makes me question how our bodies process this additive, as it is clearly not the same as the natural vitamin.

Earlier this week, I went grocery shopping at Target and only found milk with added vitamin c (both Hood and Market Pantry). So I stopped at Rite Aid on the way home and found they only carried Hood. My third attempt was Market Basket with a crying baby in arms. I finally found milk that did not have any bonus ingredients, it was just milk. I came home, put Emaline down for a nap, and composed an email to Hood. I calmly and politely shared my concerns and asked for some assistance. 

The response came back in about a day:

Thank you for writing. We appreciate your feedback and your suggestion will be shared with our Quality Department.

Not satisfied with this template response, I wrote:

Thank you. Should I expect to hear something else as this is passed along? I would hope that if my concerns are truly heard there will be more than a generic email.

 Thank you again.

Again the response came quickly and was not generic:

Kerin, below is our response after sharing your concern with the appropriate department.

Vitamin C is an important nutrient that boosts the immune system and naturally occurs in low levels in milk (4 percent).  Hood has added to the vitamin C that naturally occurs in milk.  The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) reports that many adult Americans do not get enough vitamin C and that it should be consumed daily because we are unable to store it in our bodies.

We do not have plans to remove this essential nutrient and thank you for your feedback.

Abscorbic acid reaction. Red blotches. Swollen eye caused the tear.

So I guess that’s it. I appreciate that I did get a response but I will no longer purchase Hood products. I cannot believe that the additive is there for the betterment of our health. Abscorbic acid lengthens shelf life and therefore saves the company money. 

At Target the other day, I was picking out veggie pouches for Emaline. Target’s brand Up and Up offered pouches for .89 and for 1.39. They were the same flavors. The only difference is that the less expensive option contained added abscorbic acid and the more expensive offering contained only vegetables and water. I stocked up. I am happy to pay a little more when the product offers healthy food and piece of mind.

Image from Pinterest

Practice: Peonies for Emaline

I have written the obligatory post about our move and everything that goes along with it. But I'm not ready to share. Because of the move and everything that goes along with it, I have not been writing. And the first few times writing after having not written, are a little bit like getting off crutches. I am weak and shaky and my muscles needs to build along with my confidence. So borrowing a little bit of inspiration from one of my favorite bloggers, I am writing a practice post. I will publish it as my warm-up, my opening act. Not to build expectations, please don't do that. But to get my fingers moving and my writer-brain slowly turning. So for the moment, I will pretend that I am not 1,200 miles from Nick's family, an hour from my family, and five minutes from the ocean.

A picture to pull you into a new topic. Emaline!

Emaline's first birthday is in less than a week! Nothing in the world messes with the passage of time more than a child. This year has flown by runs parallel in truth to that feels so long ago. Nick and I keep repeating these statements as we prepare to celebrate. We are having a party for her on Saturday and her actual birthday is on Tuesday. I have a Pinterest board of ideas. We will see what plans come to fruition. I know I want flowers, and balloons, and to decorate her highchair.

What I imagine. But this won't happen. 

I imagined peonies filling the house. When I announced that I was pregnant, I chose peonies as the image to accompany my words because they come into bloom at the same time that my baby was to be born. Yes, there was a lot of thought over that image. And since that time, I have associated those beautiful flowers with my littlest love.

Yesterday, I called the local flower shop and asked if they had any peonies. The lady excitedly told me they were coming in tomorrow. I almost ran for my credit card. This is perfect. I will buy so many. "They are $7.00 a stem." she said breaking through the daydream of my peony house.

"Like per flower? A stem is a flower?" I asked incredulously, realizing only now, how dumb I must have sounded.

After a few beats of silence she responded, "Yes. That's right."

So I am revising my floral plans. I will share some here and when we buy a house (which will be soon but we're not talking about that yet!) I will plant peonies. And every spring when they bloom, I will clip a bunch and put them in a vase for my little girl.

  

Sleepless Words: Free Pass

Emaline and I move through most days on a steady rhythm. There are smalls bumps and detours but we have learned each other. I know what she needs and how to soothe her. I know when she needs sleep and I know when we can play. And I knew yesterday that she just wanted to be held. Most of the day, everything was done with a baby in my arms. And as I held her and flipped through an old notebook, I found something I wrote when she was brand new. It is choppy and incomplete because so were my thoughts when this fell onto the page.

 When so much nothing is everything.

Days are filled to the brim. I move with intention and blurry focus. But when the sun settles for the night and my body curls into the dark, I search for something to show and have nothing new to present.

The baby sleeps and a growing to do list rattles my thoughts. Her tiny chest moves up and down. These are the days with a new baby.

This time is fleeting, so temporary, and so important that I carry a pass. A pass that allows one subject to press my mind and consume my heart.

But still, I search and yearn and promise that tomorrow there will be more.