Big Things: Focus

Portsmouth

This year, more than any other, seems to carry focus. Not because of some determined resolution but 

because of a path that I have slowly, oh so slowly, been wearing down and creating.

But before I can press my feet into the dirt and continue, I need to take a little bit of time to reflect. A year has ended and a new one has shuffled into place. In reflecting on 2015, the year of balance, it took me a moment to recognize the year as it was. Most of the changes, with some serious exception, are small. A few are light, simple, and fun. But my reason for creating a list is to provide a reminder, context. And in this post of introspection, I realize that 2015 was the year in which this quote proved true:





We rang in 2015 at our house with some of my best college friends. It was wonderful!

A few weeks later, Nick, Emaline, and I flew to Sanibel, Florida with my parents. We rode bikes, collected shells, watched sunsets, drank jai-alai, and swam in the ocean.

While we were there we found out that my Nana Rice was very sick. We wondered if we needed to return home early, but the decision was made for us when a massive snowstorm shut down New England. When we were able to get back,we spent time with my Nana before she passed away.

Nick pulling Emaline through the backyard of the house where my Mom grew up.

My Uncle Paul doing something on the roof. My Nana watching us through the window. The last day we saw her.

On my birthday, we said goodbye to my last grandparent. I wrote about her here. We spent the next few months buried in snow.

When finally the last bit of white melted away, we broke the record for the snowiest winter in Boston's recorded history. And moving forward from that hibernation, I realize now, how many small changes happened then:

• Started a number of house projects 
• Tended the yard and gardens around our home
• Discovered podcasts 
• Continued to simplify, declutter, and slow my home
• Began eating more fruits and veggies with a daily smoothie
• Got myself to enjoy black coffee
• Started wearing lipstick. (It only took me 32 years to decide that I liked the way it looked.) 
• Learned to like cooking a bit more and picked up a few recipes
• Took a painting class
• Attended networking events
• Found a workout class that I really enjoy and have stuck with it. Barre!

In May, we celebrated Emaline's second birthday with a big party at our house and got her a swing-set. A few weeks later, Nick had to go to Amsterdam for a work conference and I took the opportunity to join him. We left Emaline with my Mom and traveled Bruges and Amsterdam for six days. It was a great reminder how much Nick and I love to travel together and want that for our family in the years to come. We also:

• Traveled to Minneapolis three times
• Vacationed on the Cape
• Visited the National Seashore
• Hosted a number of family and friends

The day after we returned from Europe, the organization that I serve as a volunteer board member had our biggest event of the year! We shut down the main street in Portsmouth to host the Stiletto Sprint! A short race run in heels (men and women) to raise money for Big Brothers Big Sisters. It was an incredible event and I am so proud to be a part of it. In our last meeting, I agreed to take a higher position on the board for this coming year.

And at the end of the summer, I got an offer to join a long term writing project. An author who I love and respect is writing a historical fiction novel and has asked me to research and edit. I officially started on September 1st and it is the best!

In addition to this list, are the countless days I have spent with Emaline. Often we are in pajamas, playing hide and seek or babies or kitchen or coloring or singing or freeze dancing. I will admit that sometimes Emaline has to say "Mama, play with me!" before I decide that it is okay to stop what I am doing (this included) and be with her completely. But every night when I squeeze her in my arms before tucking her in, I know this is a time to cherish. And I do. She is no longer a baby but a little person. She is smart, funny, thoughtful, and curious. She counts, sings, knows her colors and letters, uses a high-pitched voice when we play pretend. Every day she does something that just pulls on my heart. This morning she hid stuffed animals in Nick's jacket pocket to surprise him when he went to work.

So 2016, I am ready for you. 2016 is the year of focus. Travel. Finances. Family. Friends. Writing.

Happy New Year!

Summer: Full House

This shall be known as the summer of hosting!

I typically feel guilt when this much time passes without showing my blog some love but this summer was full (hard to believe it's almost a year since this) and the time that I did have to write, I gave to my novel.

The house is quiet for the moment and we have fallen back into a rhythm. But as I notice the date, it seems to signify the end of summer. So I pause to take stock of my favorite season.

As a family we managed one trip to Minnesota, three trips to Cape Cod, numerous beach days, countless hours of yard work, and five (soon to be six) sets of visitors!

We have had house guests nearly nonstop since the beginning of July. As a result, everything has existed around providing a welcoming home and making the most of time together.

I am so grateful to have friends and family that are willing to take time to travel and stay with us. As I have written before, it is powerful when somebody you love is able to step into your everyday and sample your life.

It is looking at life through another lens. And it affords the opportunity to to be a tourist in my own town. It is an excuse to not waste the summer-  the best restaurants and beaches and outdoor concerts and harbor cruises and painting classes and barbecues. It allows a fall back into comfortable friendships and builds new memories.

The beds have been cleared yet again. The laundry and dishes put away. The house- reset. 

Now I write it down. 

But the heat lingers and we likely have a few more days of salt and sand before the season sneaks away. So I embrace each day and try to remember everything that we did. 

Nice Day: Fall Schedule

Labor Day has just gone and taken with it, the unofficial end of summer. As a season, we have a few more weeks. But as soon as yellow buses start filling the streets, it feels time to empty the beaches. Not that I want to, at all. I am pleading with the sun to last a little longer this year. I want more time with sandy clothes, open windows, iced coffee, trips to the Cape, summer beer, food on the grill, baby swim lessons, sun-blocked skin, and long days.  

There is a chance that my wish could come true, at least somewhat. I am living in New England for the first time in almost a decade. Minnesota in the fall is lovely but blink and you might miss it. It lasts about five minutes. New England weather is more unpredictable but generally is a little gentler in the transition. 

Nick and Emaline on Long Sands Beach, York, ME.

I stopped writing on my blog and now that I am back, I write two paragraphs on the weather. Probably not what you were looking for. But like many conversations, you start with small comments and light pieces of notice. Sometimes you start with a proclamation. Spit out a statement and dive in. But not this time. I am wading in, one step at a time. It is rocky and I slowly work to find my footing. As the water gets higher, I will start to swim. But this is the gauge, the place where I figure it out.

As kids head back to school, I find myself wanting to recommit time to this platform, this little blog. I want to share our life on the Seacoast. I want to remember simplicity. And of course I want another venue to write. I am reluctant to state that now but Nick always says- you are more likely to follow through if it is in writing. So there you go.

I have been writing, though not here. And I have been reading voraciously, for someone with a 15 month old. But summer is ending and I want to step it up.

Cape Cod Canal

*If you are a regular reader and ever want to request a new post, I encourage you to let me know. I work well under pressure.

Boston Harbor from my sister's roof deck.

Showered: Boston Baby

 The last weekend in February, Nick and I flew to Boston for my baby shower. It was great to be home and strange to know that it was my last trip before the baby arrives. 

My Mom called a few days before we flew out to let me know that a snow storm was expected the night before and the day of the shower. We did not have options for changing dates, so I tried to not think much about the weather. As the day approached, the storm became eminent but the severity lessened.

Snow covered backyard.

 It was the kind of snow that stuck to the trees and made for a really pretty backdrop. In the end, it deterred only one guest. Friends and family arrived from Connecticut, New York, Cape Cod, New Hampshire, and all over Massachusetts. I am so grateful to have people in my life who are willing to travel and celebrate this exciting time. I also have to say how awesome my parents and sisters are for putting it all together. They cleaned, cooked, and decorated like crazy. My Dad spent hours shoveling snow banks so there would be enough parking spots. My Mom cooked almost all of the food by herself. My older sister filled the house with decorations. And my little sister picked up odd jobs and lent me shoes. And last but not least, Kaia placed her blanky across the couch in case anybody got tired and wanted to take a nap.

Tracey, Nana Rice, Mom, Me, Kaia, Christine

Love my friends!

Showers in my family do not entail any games. We gather, talk, eat, and drink. Other than the gift opening, it feels like a regular party. It is great and I'm glad that nobody had to guess how round I am. No offense to people who love games, it's just not my thing.

Photo taken before my Dad and b.i.l. snuck Nick out to the bar.

Kyla and Kaia

 I am also grateful to have little kids and babies to take some of the attention. I named Kaia "shower captain" and let her know that her job was to entertain people. At the last moment, she told me she wanted to be called "shower fairy" but would still help open the gifts. As people came in the door she would announce that "another customer arrived".

 Leaving Boston this time was really hard. Mainly, I have a hard time imagining all of the changes my life will take before I go home again. I will deliver a baby. I will become a mom. And I will have all of that happen while my family is far away. I always thought I would be back in Boston when this time came. But life has taken me somewhere unexpected. The shower in Boston was a great reminder of the support that I do have, even if I do not get to see those people everyday.

I cannot wait for summer and my next trip to Boston. I cannot wait to dress her in one of the many Red Sox onesies we received and bring her to the beach for the first time. When that happens, I will think back to now and although only a few months will have gone by, life will be so new and I will have traveled so far.  

Writing Update: Finding Balance

Autumn is coming fast this year. The mornings are cool and crisp and I have started pulling on layers and sparking up wood in the fireplace. This time of year usually makes me want to nest, to stay inside and cuddle and clean. This fall is different.

The dropping of leaves, encourages us to hunker down, to slow our pace. This September lives are speeding up and taking off. Most of the friends that I see on a regular basis, are experiencing their own versions of change. I am not alone in figuring out my days.

Three of my favorite friends have new babies and another friend is about to move and then go on tour for a few months and Nick is beyond busy right now with a schedule as follows:
Monday- soccer
Tuesday- class
Wednesday- soccer
Thursday- class
Sprinkle in a full time job and homework.

I spend my days: drinking coffee, having one-sided conversations with Duke and Toby, and writing. I enjoy my time and could not ask for a better opportunity. I am also grateful for the cool mornings and football Sundays but I am feeling a little restless.

My extroversion is fighting against my natural desire to be home and create.

On hot August mornings, I started my day with iced coffee and yard work. The heat and the newness of my career was enough to allow me to settle into my desk without feeling like the sun was wasted. 

As the days get cooler, I realize that soon I will not want to step outside and I don't have to. I am beyond excited to not have to trudge outside when it is negative degrees but I know that to be happy- I need to find a balance. A balance between being alone and time with friends. I have not yet figured it out.

I knew it would be one of my biggest challenges. I  am an extremely social person and relationships are more important to me than anything. Even in writing, it is the intricacies of human connection that interest me most.



The other side to this is finding what I want to do, without influence. I have a tendency to pursue activities because a friend is interested. Not often enough, will I venture out if it means going by myself. I need to get better at that! I am trying. I went to yoga at 8:30 yesterday morning. Which by my standards, is very early. Tonight I am going to a book reading. If I say it here, I am much more likely to follow through.

Any suggestions you have for finding balance, are much appreciated. 

PS: While I have been writing this, Toby has been chasing a fly through my office.

PPS: I cannot shop right now due to budget restrictions and Anthropologie has more amazing stuff than ever before! If I could only have one, it'd be this.

Transition: Cape Cod

In the mid 1970's my grandparents bought a small plot of land across the street from a quiet beach in Cape Cod. It has always been a place for my family to gather A place to swim in the ocean, eat seafood, and sit on the deck and listen to the waves.

When I was twenty, I lived at the house for the summer with my grandmother. During the day, I laid on the beach and at night, I was a waitress at a local restaurant. My Nana would join me on the beach with her fishing hat and water shoes. We would sit and chat and watch the tides move in and out. After a few hours, She would excuse herself to go back up to the house to make tapioca pudding or angel food cake. We would go out to dinner at 4:30 and she would comment on the enormous portions of food. We would sit up at night and watch the Tonight Show and she would doze sitting up in a chair. In the morning, she would read the entire newspaper. Her vision was fading so she used a magnifying glass to be able to see the words clearly. Her memory would slip occasionally but she would laugh about it once she realized and we would move on. It is hard to believe that was nine years ago.

My father is retired now and because he knows how much it means to her, he is spending the summer at the beach house with my Nana. It is no longer the lazy days of summer that I remember. Caring for my Nana has become a full time job as she is in the advanced stages of dementia. When it is my Mom and Dad together, they are an amazing care team. My Mother is a nurse and able to carry out tasks that the rest of us cannot. My Mom is wonderful with her and it seems that deep in her mind, Nana recognizes her as a nurse and listens to her instructions. My Dad spent his career in a number of leadership roles so he knows how to organize and oversee: medicine schedules, doctors appointments, nurses visits, and ensures that Nana is well cared for by the people that love her.

 

Work schedules being what they are, my Mom had to leave her post as Nana's nurse for eight days so she could go to her paying job. To keep my Dad company, I offered to fill her space for that time. The last day at my job was on a Friday, on the Tuesday, I flew to Cape Cod.

It was nice spending that time with my family. For most of the trip it was just Nana, Dad, and me. Every time I walked into the room, I introduced myself to Nana and was received with varying degrees of recognition. I would sit with her for hours and play music that she knew. It was so rewarding to see her laugh and smile in response to The Sound of Music.



My first day there, Nana had a moment of clarity. I told her who I was and that we are on the deck at her Cape house. In response she said, "Grandpa and I got this house so that the family could come and go and come and go."

On the weekend, my sisters, brother-in-law, niece, cousin, aunt, and sister's dog came to stay. It was fun to all be together. As hard as it is to see Nana, a woman so full of grace, go through this awful disease, she has done something right in her life to be so surrounded by love. She naps on the couch with the ocean crashing outside and her family comes and goes and comes and goes.

Welcome July: Remember the Day

It is the start of my favorite month. July is what I wait for all year. I love summer and long days and warm nights.

July also holds a lot of memories for me and the way I remember those moments is to remember the dates. For example, I remember that Nick and I got engaged the Friday of Fourth of July weekend. The night after we got engaged, we went to a Holdsteady concert and it was my friend Sarah's birthday, July 3rd. The Fourth of July was the following day. Therefore, Nick and I got engaged on July 2nd and now I remember that night and the weekend that followed.

Nick teases me because as a result of this, I remind him of multiple anniversaries.

• July 5th: I left for Australia.
• July 6th: I spent the day securing a new passport. See more about that here.
• July 7th: disappeared as I flew across the globe.
• July 8th, 2004: I met Nick (and Kris and Carlos and Adam and Kat and Ketlynne etc)
• July 23rd: Nick and I kissed for the first time. I have written in a journal. Also the night was eventful as we had been out with friends and claimed the night to be Kris' unbirthday. That is a story I should write at a later time.

For the past seven years, we have held the 23rd as our anniversary. Last year we got married on August 20th and as tradition has it, that anniversary overrides the old one. The issue is that July 23rd will mark eight years of being together, August 20th will only mark one. I am not asking for jewely or fancy dinners but I am going to continue pushing for at least two anniversaries, maybe three. It is an excuse to spend time together, it is a reminder of what is important, and as time moves forward, it will help us remember.

Speaking of dates, June 28th is Nick's birthday. He turned 30 and we celebrated the whole weekend. He is feeling old but he's just as cute now as he was when I spotted him on the bus eight years ago.

Specialized: My New Toy

Three weeks ago I completed a 35 mile charity bike ride.

It was rough and not the thing I typically spend my Saturdays doing. Nick's dad suggested it as a family event and how do I say no to that? When he first emailed about the ride I saw that there were three distance options: 14, 35, or 52. I was really hoping for the 14. Nick and his sister commented enthusiastically that they wanted the 35 and Nick's dad quickly concurred and signed us up.

We started at 9:00am. It was a hot, windy day. The first 22ish miles were not so bad. The last five were awful. I got off and walked steep inclines twice. My bike was a top of the line road bike from 1975. It is Nick's uncle's old bike and much too big for me. It was free and had always done the job. Up until then, the job was never 35 miles in 90 degree heat.

I finished and that is the most important thing. It was not a race. There was no real finish line, which made for a severely anti-climactic finish. We just sort of slowed down and got off our bikes. I stumbled to the closest tree and stretched out onto my back. I would have stayed there all day if Nick had not suggested going home to have a beer on the deck.

We were not even done with the race before Nick started suggesting that I get a new bike. My initial thought was that I did not want to spend the money. Miles 25-35 slowly changed my mind. My gears were so slow to shift and as Nick's dad pointed out, I had to work twice as hard as everyone to go half the speed.

Last weekend, I bought a new bike. I rode four different bikes before deciding on the same one Nick's sister bought earlier this year. It is a Vita Specialized base model from 2011. I love it. When I first sat on it, I felt like I was a kid again. It brought me back to sitting on my bike when I was ten. I forgot that feeling. I forgot how much I like riding. How fun and easy it used to feel. Before you can drive, a bike is your freedom.

I got nervous about my bike because right as I was about to make my purchase, I read this article. What if I was buying this for Nick? He is the real cyclist, well he dresses like a real one. He wears the clip-on shoes, the bright colored riding shirt, and the bike shorts. Hottie!

I do not pull off the look nearly as well.

Well it's the beginning of summer and I have an awesome bike so here's to new adventures....

My bike. Black with pink detailing.

Not Gone Yet: Two More Weeks of Summer

I. am. not. ready. for. fall. It is only the first week of September but the mornings are crisp and it smells like a new season. Nick started back to class on Tuesday and has been saying things like "Oh football is almost here!" and "We should have friends over for a bonfire." But I try to push away his comments. I love lazy football Sundays and nothing smells better than snapping pines over open flame but I am not ready for summer to be over. What about going to the beach and baseball games and being able to walk outside without it hurting?

Sorry to those offended by feet.

Football, bonfires, pumpkin lattes, cute sweaters, and yummy smelling air are all tricks!! It's like the stranger offering you candy. I love snickers as much as the next guy but that peanut chocolate goodness comes with consequences and those consequences last for nine months in this part of the country!

"To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring"


I found this quote the other day while looking for something else and while I know it is true, it is not easy. I am trying though. Yesterday I was so thrown by the brisk morning air that I layered myself unnecessarily while walking to the train and was stripping down by the time I got to work. Today I was a little smarter in the clothing choices and I actually enjoyed my walk into work. It was one of those mornings that the air smelled so good. It was fresh and clean and was lulling me into a haze of memories.

• It made me think about the first days of school and how I always started the year so organized. I would have a new backpack and sharpened pencils and fresh notebooks and somehow the Trapperkeeper or the giant Crayola box or the Lisa Frank folders translated into excitement for a new year. I loved buying school supplies and poured over options for what to wear on the first day. I always planned out my outfits for the first week and coincidentally, or maybe not so much, the first week is about as long as I ever maintained my organization. The moment I found comfort in friends, a clean backpack mattered much less

• It reminded me of Australia. When we first got there it was July and the middle of winter. The air smelled like wood chips and grass and I was in a constant state of awe. I was alone in a foreign country and had no idea what my life would look like the next day or week or month. I was very tense when I went somewhere as I was only ever half sure of where I was going. I remember taking cabs a lot in the first few weeks and coincidentally, or maybe not so much, I started walking everywhere once I figured out how I would be spending my time. The moment I found comfort in friends, getting places quickly mattered much less.

Winter on a beach in Jervis Bay, Australia.





Nick and I very early on at his Minnesota themed party. That scarf is the first gift he ever gave me.



Summer 2011: Turn, Turn, Turn

This summer has been keeping me on my toes and with little time for writing creatively as all of that energy has been put toward planning a wedding. I wouldn't trade it for anything, despite the nervousness that has settled somewhere between my throat and my stomach. What are you nervous about? I keep getting asked. Really?? I would be nervous if I wasn't nervous (ha!).

July 6th we moved into our new home after living with Nick's family for a week. The house is unpacked in the sense that we live there and we can show people rooms and they think they look nice (with the exception of our offices) but there is still so much to do and for now, that is okay.

July 22nd we had our Minnesota Send-Off Party. It was the reception prior to our wedding, held for all of our friends and family in Minnesota that are not able to join us in Boston. It was a great idea that Nick's Dad presented to us last summer and with his financial support, how could we say no? It was a great party and a wonderful success. There were more emotional moments than I expected. My Mom and Nick's Dad gave lovely toasts. My friend Joel sang the most BEAUTIFUL rendition of Unchained Melody that I have ever heard. And Nick pulled me up to the microphone when he went up to thank everyone and he surprised me with unofficial vows. Gosh he's cute! I thought I would have cried but instead I was smiling so hard my jaw hurt the next day. Now that's joy!

I was in Boston this past weekend for a family friend's wedding, my hair trial, and to bring my wedding dress home. It was a great trip. It was so nice to be home. The highlight for me was coming downstairs to show my sister and her baby my wedding dress. My 19-month-old niece came up to me with a big smile on her face, hands outstretched, and walked around me in circles saying "Turn Arouuunnd, Turrrnn Arooound" as she carefully spun me and touched the fabric. Babies don't lie and this baby sure liked my dress.


Kaia

I have to say that the biggest thing I will take away from the craziness of these past few month, is appreciation for friends that have gone out of their way to celebrate with us. The love and support that certain friends have shown is staggering and I can't wait for a chance to shine the love back on them.



Wisconsin Dells Girls Weekend!



Minneapolis Bachelorette



Surprise Boston Bachelorette!



Boston Shower

Two weeks from today, I leave for Boston!!! Unbelievable! I hope to be able to write before that time.