Looking Forward: Are we there yet?

I'm starting to realize how often I believe that I'm on the edge of something new. Going back through my blog I remember feeling that way here and here. I am always looking forward to the next big thing. There are so many quotes out there about how that's not good thing to do- life's a journey, not a destination etc. But it's hard to stop myself. Those events, trips, experiences are getting closer and becoming more real and it pushes my thoughts out of my cubicle and to a place that is much brighter.

• We are going to see Aziz Ansari this weekend at a resort/casino and spending the night. My friend Jon turns 30 next week and he is going to the show with his wife and another couple. Little does he know that a group of us are surprising him and joining him for a night of slot machines, black jack, indoor pools, and stories about Kanye West. Right now the plan is to fill the bar area with balloons and start the night with a round of birthday drinks. I have been helping his wife plan and I cannot wait for the surprise and then to follow that up with chicky chicky parm parm!

• I officially paid off my car yesterday! In addition to that, I am so so close to being 100% debt free. It is something that I have been working on for quite awhile and cannot wait for that feeling of accomplishment

• We decided to take our big honeymoon (A trip back to Australia where it all began) in December. When we decided this, winter felt a million years away and it was nearly impossible for me to grasp that we are actually going back to Australia. Even now, typing it makes it a little more real, WE ARE GOING TO AUSTRALIA!

• Finally the hardest to say and the most important - I am starting to make some real plans to make a huge career change. I want to write. I no longer want to pursue anything that doesn't get me closer to my goal of being a writer. Putting this out there in blog world, regardless of who reads it, is a contract to myself. I have been telling friends in hopes of making connections and Nick and I have had numerous conversations about the logistics. In addition to being handsome, smart, and funny- Nick is also incredibly supportive of this dream and has been encouraging me for quite some time.  

So there you go. These are the reasons that work cannot keep my attention. These are the reasons that I have so much focus on tomorrow, next week, and next year. Wish me luck and I will do my best to be as open on here as I can.

PS: In another move to push myself outside of my comfort zone and to share my writing with a larger group, I have shared my blog with my Mom and Dad. I know it seems silly but sometimes it's easier to write to strangers than to your own parents. Sooo Hi Kim and Bill!!

And because it is Friday, here are some things that are getting me through the day:  

Lambs are not good with direction. This makes me laugh so much!

A really good cover of one of my all time favorite songs.

Weekend Away: Play Time

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For the third year in a row, I spent a fall weekend in North Dakota. My friend Sam is from Finley, North Dakota- a town of 500 people. To get there you drive four hours west and then another hour and a half on smaller country roads. It is like nothing I have ever known. The landscape is flat with fields stretching as far as you can see, interrupted sporadically by grain elevators, hay bales, and the occasional house or tree.

On this trip we also got to hang out with Sam's friend Ariel. Sam and Ariel are friends from high school. Ariel lives in Oregon and had not been home to Finley in a long time. Sam and I picked Ariel up outside of town where she had been camping at her Mom's house.



 Ariel is very unique, a free spirit. She is very kind and has a childlike spirit. She regularly meditates and travels with a ukulele in a mandolin case. She offers compliments and may be the only person I've encountered who remembers to find pleasure in the little things. I can't recall all of the times she told Sam and I how beautiful we are, or how many moments she acknowledged a simple happiness- the sky, an apple, a bed, friendship. You have the feeling when you are around her that nothing passes by without recognition.

That kind of personality is contagious. Sam, Ariel, and I went around town like little kids. We played. We climbed, we ran, we made up games. I got over feeling ridiculous and let myself laugh and had so much fun.

Fall Friday: Short Day

If these walls came crumbling down

Fell so hard, to make us lose our faith

From what's left you'd figure it out

Still make lemonade taste like a sunny day

                       

  -Dave Matthews. American Baby

Listening to Grooveshark on a Friday afternoon. I can't get enough of this song right now. I keep pulling the arrow back to the start just to hear the opening lyrics again. I think Dave Matthews is an absolute poet in addition to being an incredible musician. My friend Julie introduced me to DMB in 9th grade and they are one of the few bands that I have always been proud to share as a favorite. The music is as relatable to me now as it was when I was fifteen and that's saying something.

I was just wondering if you'd come along

Hold up my head when my head won't hold on

I'll do the same if the same's what you want

-Dave matthews The Stone

I am leaving work a few hours early today and driving to North Dakota for the weekend. I am really excited for a roadtrip and to get out of the city for a few days.

Also, I have finally caved in and allowed myself to become addicted to pinterest. For awhile I did not see the point but now I am having so much fun with it as seen above and below.

Enjoy your weekend!!



Treat Yo Self: What will you remember?

I did not want to come in today. Not at all. Now that I'm here, I realize I'm not the only one that felt that way. Most of my team is MIA. This weekend went by way too fast.

Sometimes I can't help but want to shake out my life. I play with the idea of throwing away everything that I'm "supposed to do" and figure out what I really want.

What would that even look like?? I actually have no idea.

1. I love to travel
2. I need to write
3. I am newly married and plan to keep that guy around
4. I have friends and family that I wish I saw more.

So maybe I would travel around with Nick and write. Yup, that's it.

Except I also have two dogs that I adore and I don't want to leave them behind. Shoot. And Nick has this crazy idea that we shouldn't spend all of our wedding money on travel as we also someday want to have a family and we will need a place to live and babies are expensive.

We are going to Australia in December but selfishly, it's not enough. Yes, Australia is a total dream for us. We long to be back down under, living a life that is slow and beautiful and easy. But I think it's wrong that in order to go, we have to spend every last hour of vacation time and come back with the feeling that we've had our fun, time to work. I don't want that.

Not to say I'm not willing to work for what I have, but if Oprah is right, and of course she is, the work that I'm meant to do won't feel like work, and shouldn't leave me feeling like I'm here because I have to be. The supposed to be that pushes me out of bed every day should be the soul stirring supposed to and not the nagging bills are due supposed to. Sometimes, I forget all of this.

Often I get caught up in schedules, responsiblities, fears of what other will think and I fall in line - I drag myself out of bed, get dressed, walk to the lightrail, and squish onto the train with a bunch of other people that look from their exhausted faces that they also would rather be someplace else.

Why do we do that?? We know life is short. I was told that when I grew up that I could be whatever I wanted. I was also told to always make sure I have insurance. I have found those two statements conflicting. I have to work a 9-5 because I have to make money to pay bills. It doesn't seem like that good of a reason. Can't I make money doing something else? Can't I not have so many bills? But when do I have time to figure out my life plan? When can I sit down and firmly declare- I'm going to drive a bus and write haikus.

Last week Sam was over my place for pizza and wine. We started watching episodes of Arrested Development and then started talking about boys. She missed the last bus back to her place so the decision was made that she would stay over and I would lend her clothes. As it got later, one of us suggested playing hooky from work. "In a year what will you remember more?" Sam asked.

"In a week what will you remember more?" I half joked. That was that.

We stayed up until almost 3:00am watching good tv, drinking cheap wine, and talking about relationships. It was like high school (minus the wine). (Krystal, had you not snuck away when you did- this could have been you!)

On Thursday- we slept in, made pancakes, went grocery shopping, made chili, watched more Arrested Development, and napped. It was so simple and fun. By the time I drove Sam home that evening, I was relaxed and ready for a one day work week.

Wedding Photos: They are here!!

Our photos have finally been posted on our photographer's blog and they are outstanding! I absolutely adore each one and I cannot stop looking them over. She is mailing a proof book to our house but until then, I have her beautiful blog to look at.

Nick let me have my way with choosing photographers. He was too busy with work and school to invest time in looking for photographers. He wanted to be involved, but I was captain of this project. We both believe that the photographer is one of the most important pieces of the day and so I spent a lot of time looking at blogs, scrolling through photos, and emailing photographers.

From the moment I came across Tyra, nobody else even came close. These photos and these photos told me I just had to have her. In addition to having the most gorgeous photos I have ever seen, she responded to my emails quickly, she has an easy-going personality, and most importantly- she really loves what she does.



Nick: "She is REALLY good. She made it look like I can dance!!"


Her name is Tyra Bleek, she is from Washington state but lives in Boston. She is petite, kind, fun to work with, and incredibly talented. I found her through this blog and we began emailing. It took Nick and I awhile to make our final decision but once we did, we made plans to meet up next time we were in town. We met Tyra, in person, only once before the wedding.We had a beer at her favorite restaurant in Boston and we liked her right away. I read her blog regularly so between her photo posts and her wedding tips, I felt like I knew what to expect.

I have looked at her photos a million times but until you see your own photos, you still carry worry. Not about the photographer but about yourself. I am overly critical of myself, especially in photos. My family gets irritated with me regarding this and although they wouldn't dare say anything, I am sure they were nervous about whether I would be content with the outcome.

The photographs are amazing to me! Not only are they lovely but the memories that they conjure up, the moments that were caught with a lens are priceless.



A moment I would never have seen otherwise. Two great-uncles from opposite sides of the family. I treasure this photo.



Wish I knew what they are laughing about but I love!



My friend Sam stepped outside and thought she was alone. Upon seeing this picture Sam: "She really was everywhere!"





I love this man with my whole heart.





Music: A Simple List

I have been to a lot of concerts. My parents started bringing me to shows when I was very little. Roy Orbison was my first. I was five or six. I slept the whole way to the show and my parents started wondering if they should have left me at home. When the show started though, I climbed on my seat and pumped my chubby little arms until it was time to go. My memory of it is vague. I remember he had a pony tail and that the stage rotated. But mostly I remember how much I loved being there.

My father's list of concerts attended could put me to shame. He has seen a million shows and his list is still growing. The funny thing about my inherited love for music is that when I was in high school my Dad would tell me I was spending too much time/ money/ interest on shows and that I should spend more time studying/ doing homework. Today as I was working on the list, I called my parents to ask if they could help me remember some of the oldies shows and my Dad was so excited that I was putting this together.

Note the variety of acts. Oldies to HipHop to Alternative to Pop. There is a funny balance of one hit wonders and music legends. I listed them by performer and not neccesarily individual concerts. I know I am forgetting some names and I will be attending a few more this fall so the list will grow but here goes....

1. Roy Orbison
2. Belinda Carlisle
3. New Kids on the Block
4. Beach Boys (x3)
5. Dion (x2)
6. Lou Christie
7. Chubby Checker
8. Backstreet Boys (x3)
9. Nsync
10. Britney Spears
11. Christina Aguilera
12. Justin Timberlake
13. John Mayer (x2)
14. Third Eye Blind (x7)
15. Counting Crows (x2)
16. GooGoo Dolls (x3)
17. Nine Days
18. Tonic
19. Maroon5
20. Wyclef Jean
21. Lifehouse
22. Matchbox20
23. Five for Fighting
24. David Gray
25. JaRule
26. Ashanti
27. Aerosmith
28. Lillix
29. Jason Mraz
30. Bowling for Soup
31. Frankie J
32. Lisa Marie Presley
33. Stacie Oricco
34. Jewel
35. Jennifer Love Hewitt
36. Uncle Kracker
37. Simple Plan
38. Amanda Perez
39. Dream
40. Michelle Branch (x2)
41. Wayne Wonder
42. TLC
43. Daniel Bedingfield
44. Celine Dion
45. Joey McIntyre
46. Jordan Knight
47. Mary J. Blige
48. Alicia Keys
49. Avril Lavigne (x2)
50. Pink
51. No Doubt
52. Shakira
53. Alanis Morisette
54. Marc Anthony
55. The Fray
56. Vanessa Carlton
57. Ben Folds (x3)
58. Aaron Carter
59. Barenaked Ladies
60. Edwin McCain
61. Jason Mraz (x2)
62. Dido
63. DuranDuran
64. Vertical Horizon (x2)
65. Def Leppard
66. Guster
67. MXPX
68. Cyprus Hill
69. Offspring
70. Ben Harper
71. Jack Black
72. Beastie Boys
73. The Corrs
74. Savage Garden
75. Tristan Prettyman
76. Billy Joel
77. Jimmy Eat World
78. Blink182
79. The Cat Empire
80. Three Doors Down
81. Dave Matthews (x4)
82. Incubus
83. John Butler Trio
84. Mike Doughty
85.Jessica Simpson
86. No Authority
87. 98 Degrees
88. LFO
89. Boyz N Girlz United
90. Rilo Kiley
91. Coldplay
92. Howie Day 
93. Holdsteady
94. Cloud Cult
95. Mars Volta
96. Semisonic
97. Gene Pitney
98. Johnny Rivers
99. DeeDee Sharp
100. Shaggy
101. Spoon
102. Rural Albert Advantage
103. The Head and the Heart (x2)
104. Imagine Dragons

Home: Potholes?

A conversation with a friend has got me thinking about the idea of home.

Boston is where I am from and Minneapolis is where I live. Boston is my true home and always will be, but in order to find happiness in a new place you need to carve out a space and make it yours. You need to find people who can appreciate where you come from, even if they do not quite understand it. 

At some point, in order for the relationship to continue to build, it has to go beyond appreciation. You need to unravel the layers- meet those who are important to them, visit the places that mean something to them, listen to the stories that have made them, and listen again when they want to retell you the same story, and again.

All people want to be understood and can you really without knowing where they are from?

It is easy enough to ask somebody where they are from- Boston, Paris, Timbuktu. But unless you have been there, unless you have traveled to their city, their home, you are missing a big piece. Looking at pictures of Chiacgo will never tell you what they have been through or how far they have come.

My friend Sam, who I see nearly every day in Minneapolis, told me she had a realization when she was at my wedding in Boston. "It's like you have this whole other life" she explained. I tell her endless stories of friends and family but it was not until nearly 200 of them were in one room, that the layered pieces of my life began to fall in place.

I am not saying that my life is more layered or complicated than anybody else, it's not. But I do think that Boston helped some people in Minnesota understand me a little better. And I think I needed that because nothing will give you more pride for your home than not living there anymore. It bothers me when people tell me they cannot hear my accent and I always have to interject and tell them how strong it used to be. I feel most alone in Minnesota when I am somewhere public and Sweet Caroline comes on because I know nobody else there really gets it.

It works the opposite way too. I know most people from home have no idea what Minneapolis is like and that bothers me more than I wish it would. The look of surprise when I insist that Minneapolis is a city is shocking. The waiter at Legal Seafood this last time said. "Like with tall buildings and everything?" Yes sir!

I live in a city and despite my frustrations over bitter winters and a lack of ocean, it is a pretty city. More than a few times, people in Boston have asked Nick what it was like to grow up in the country. He has done his best to tell them it was a suburb, not a farm but that doesn't always work.

My parents come to visit every year and a handful of friends have ventured out, but sometimes I get really sad that people who are very important to me may never know Minnesota. Sometimes the divide between the Midwest and the East Coast feels endless.

Nick's sweet, lovely grandmother met my parents for the first time in July and when I saw her afterwards she kept telling me how surprised she was that she really liked them. She kept referring to them as Eastern and was pleasantly surprised to find that they were regular people.

With all of this I wonder how Nick and I make it work. Seven years ago we sat next to eachother on a bus on the other side of the world and in our first conversation, talked about home. Early on, we struggled to understand one another. On one occassion I looked out the window and pointed,

"Theah ah a lot of pahks heah huh?" (*Translation*: There are a lot of parks here huh?"
"I'm soorry. PahtOles???" (*Translation*: I'm sorry. Potholes????)
"Pahks?"
"PahthOles?"
"Oh, um, paRks?"
"OOH Parks! Yes lahts of parks."

Maybe being in Australia, on neutral ground, made it easier until we figured things out.

I will never forget how terrified I was when I first came to visit. I got in a few days before New Years Eve in 2004. Nick picked me up at the airport. He was wearing a winter jacket, his hair was different, and he had new glasses. My stomach turned as I realized how far away we were from the beaches where we fell in love. I was in Minnesota. It was cold and flat and nobody understood me.

Now I live here. We are married. And although I still struggle with belonging, I know a big piece to understanding is understanding home.