PSA: More than Just Loose Change

I recently said to a friend that I wonder if our house is haunted. At night I hear noises as though someone is moving around downstairs and things have started to go missing. My Nook disappeared out of thin air. It has been gone since March. I have torn the house apart looking for it and, nothing. The day after I was talking about the possibilities of spirits in my living room, the AppleTV remote went missing. The product does not function without the remote so Nick and I went crazy looking for it. It's is small and skinny and we only keep it in a five-foot radius of the television.

I started moving the television and pushing cables around. I pulled out a flashlight and investigated our media console. Nick sat on the couch and dug his arms down into the material. The couch is a leather recliner and has really deep pockets and lots of hidden space. He pulled out a sock, a dryer sheet, and then his eyes lit up. "You'll never believe what I have my hands on." He said, arms buried to his elbows and twisted to his side. Slowly he released his arms from the grip of the couch to reveal my Nook! In disbelief, I lifted it out of the turquoise case and turned it on. The story I was reading last March, flickered on before the battery shut off.

I gave up my post at the console and took a seat on the couch, digging my arms into each crevice. Within moments I had my hands wrapped around the remote. It was jammed between some bars and took some maneuvering but I was able to remove it from the jaws of a convertible abyss.

It is hard now to sit on this couch with the same comfort as before. I wonder what else is in there, what has fallen to a spot that I have not yet reached. Nick and I joke about taking it apart but i don't think we actually can.

I am relieved the mystery to our disappearing items has been resolved but now I don't trust my couch and that is stranger than ghosts.

Christmas Vacation: Our Little Distraction

As I mentioned in my Christmas post, Nick and I did not get around to see everyone we wanted when we were in Boston. We tried, we drove across states and saw so many friends that thinking back now, I get confused at who said what at which party. But still, high school and college friends were missed.

The parties, and a large number of loved ones are not the only reasons we did not complete our rounds. A lot of the blame really can fall to one person. She never means to, or maybe she does, but when she is around, everything else falls away.

2012 Christmas card.

My sister and her family live an hour from Boston and decided that instead of driving back and forth from my parent's house all week, stayed over. The house was crowded and a little hectic but totally worth it. It was the longest continuous time that Nick and I have spent with Kaia and we took full advantage.

Kaia showing Uncle Nick how to use an iPad.

Kaia climbed on my lap and requested that we have our photo taken.

Kaia helping Uncle Nick choose a microbrew at the Yard House.

  

As you know, kids say the darnedest things and this little one is no exception. She chatters constantly and makes up incredibly detailed stories. On Christmas morning, she opened the nightgown from Nick and I and exclaimed, "Oh my dosh, dosh, dosh! It's gorgeous!" And proceeded to strip down and pull the nightgown on. Once she was dressed in her new pajamas she suggested that we all stop opening presents, go upstairs, pretend it is nighttime, share our beds, and go to sleep. 

Kaia in her new nightgown with Cookie.

 She was upset that we were not up for her idea so I suggested that she open the Christmas present that Nick and I bought for Cookie, her teddy bear and constant companion. She put on the high-pitched voice that she uses to talk for Cookie and sat the bear in front of her. She used the stuffed paw to open the wrapping paper. It took awhile to get the tape off but it was adorable to watch.  

On Christmas Eve, after we announced the gender of Baby Valley, Kaia and I were playing on the floor. I asked her if she was excited to have a girl cousin. She responded by kissing me on the lips. She then started bending her little body down. I realized what she was doing and lifted myself to my knees. She then kissed my belly. It was the most precious moment and I could hardly believe the sweetness of my little niece. 

Christmas Eve

Kaia watching The Nutcracker. Shortly after this, she lifted her leg in the air and said "These moves are tricky."

Kaia playing with new Princess stickers. What a lovely crown!

Kaia, a little confused after waking up from a nap in a new place.

2012: Something Else

Photo c/o LivingIf.com

This year is harder to sum up than I thought it would be. There are a few obvious changes that have taken place but I don't think the shift will be completely realized until I am further away from now.

Nick and I started 2012 in such a major way that the year had to be one worth remembering. We were on the roof of our condo in Sydney with some of our greatest friends watching the most amazing fireworks explode over the harbour.

In the weeks that followed Nick and I traveled around Australia visiting old haunts and discovering new treasures. I navigated around Sydney as though I'd been gone for seven days, not seven years. I sat in front of the Opera House and was mistaken for an Australian (woohoo).

Standing in front of my old apartment.

We traveled to Maggie, a tiny island close to the Great Barrier Reef. We hiked to see koalas in the wild and swam on a secluded beach. Nick and I fell in love with the country all over again and made promises to return as often as possible throughout our lives.

Our park on our last night in Sydney.

 A few weeks after Nick and I returned home, I was able to make the final payment on my car loan and my credit card, making 2012 the year that I got to declare myself debt free! It was a goal I worked on for two years and it was incredible to finally check it off.

 In April, we traveled to Mexico for a friend's wedding.  It was beautiful and crazy. Much of our time was spent swimming and drinking but we also took time to visit caves, read in our hammock, snorkel, eat great food, and dance to techno. It was fun to be at a resort with friends and I hope for more trips like that (less tequila) in the future.

I bought a bike this summer and accomplished a 40 and 50 mile ride. Those were a little rough but the shorter trips on the local bike paths were really fun.

 In July, I ran my first 5K. I do not think I could have picked a better first race. We ran/walked the color run! It was a blast. Post-baby, I hope to make races a bigger part of my life.

Elise, Sam, and I. We biked to the run and went swimming after so it was our own version of a triathlon.

Also in July, I took a huge leap and quit my job in order to write full time!! It was awesome! I miss a lot of the people but not my job at all. I have written about it a number of times so I will keep it simple and say- we made the right choice.

With my new schedule, I took ten days at the end of July and beginning of August to go down the Cape with my Dad and help him take care of my Nana. I wrote about that here.

At the end of August and beginning of September, Nick and I went to London and Paris. You can read more about that here. It was our first time in either place and we loved every minute of it.

At the end of September, I found out I was pregnant. It rocked our world. Seeing her ultrasound for the first time, pushed the fear aside to make room for excitement. Disbelief still tries to sneak in, but a steady heartbeat and a growing bump, tell us it is real. We welcome Baby Girl in May!

Mixed with our wonderful news, the fall also brought loss. In October, Duke passed away after being sick for only a few days. It was heartbreaking and we miss him still. At the end of the month, Nick and I flew to Ohio to spend time with Kris and Steve.

The day I returned home from Ohio, Nick's grandmother had a stroke. We spent the next few weeks visiting her in the hospital. She lost the ability to communicate but could hear us and was able to squeeze our hands. A few days before Thanksgiving, she succumbed to her injuries and the world truly lost an angel.

In December, we were able to find out the gender of Baby Valley. Grandma Valley, in the weeks before her stroke, told us emphatically that we were to have a girl. When we went to visit her in the hospital, Nick whispered our girl name. When we went in for the ultrasound, the lady asked me if we had a name. I told her we did if it was a girl and explained. She responded, "Grandma was right!"

Of course she was, how could it be anything else. It was a moment of Grace and knowing that we are to have a little girl is so amazing. It makes me smile, it makes me cry. A few days later, we went to visit our families and shared the news.

Home for Christmas with my parents.

 I wish I had an eloquent way to wrap up this year, to make the loss and the change all mean something. Someday I will look back and see it more clearly. But I have never been so excited to welcome a new year!

Christmas: Baby Valley is a....

It is sort of my first day back after an extended break. Nick and I were in Boston for six days over Christmas. It was longer than the majority of our trips east but it was probably the busiest. We had something planned every day. It made the days fly and though we did our best to see everyone, it just was not possible.

Probably my favorite moment of the trip was surprising my family with the gender of the baby. Nick and I found out the news on Thursday (three days prior to arriving in Boston) and I wanted so badly to celebrate with them in person. I told them they would know on Christmas morning. I planned the surprise for Christmas Eve but technically, they did know on Christmas morning. 

Every year we attend a party at my Aunt Tina's house. It is the part of Christmas I look forward to the most. The house is filled with extended family and old friends. My Great-Aunt Jeanne plays piano and we sing Christmas Carols. Santa shows up and hands out presents to the little kids. When we arrived at the party I quietly went upstairs and found Santa's bag of presents. I slipped in the card, addressed it to my Mom and Dad, and rejoined the party.

A short time later, Santa's bells started ringing to announce his arrival. It's the same every year. Everyone stops what they're doing and gathers in the living room. You can hear every child saying his name in anticipation.

It was the first time since I was a child, that the jingle jingle gave me butterflies. I was so nervous. When Santa called my parents up to sit on his lap, they did not think anything of it, convinced it was a joke by one of my uncles.

Half in conversation, my Mom tore open the wrapping paper to find a sealed envelope. Still she had no clue. I gestured to my sisters that they should pay attention. They did not catch on right away but started to suspect something was up.

My Mom barely paying attention to her "gag" gift. I'm trying to remain calm, my Aunt Tina, knew what was up.

 As my Mom opened the card and read the words, She yelled out and pushed the card shut. She was smiling and wide eyed staring at my Dad, who had not yet seen what it was. My sisters realized what was happening and rushed to find out for themselves.

"What? What is it?" My Dad shouted, trying to pry the card from her hands. Quickly my sisters were at their side. My Mom, still stunned and hugging the card yelled out, "It's a girl!"

My sisters reacting to the news!

Dress hides the bump well but not my tired eye.

Merry Christmas!! 

PS: A special thanks to Ellie who knew to have her camera ready. All Christmas Eve photos c/o Ellie Rice.
 

Snapshot: Snow Daze

Morning After.

 When Nick told a friend of his about impending fatherhood, he offered some great advice. He said when the baby comes it is natural to turn all of your focus to the baby, to have that be your only priority. The important thing to remember, however, is to care for our relationship as a couple. He recommend that we try to have date night as often as possible and to make one another top priority. If we are doing well, baby is too.

I can already see how easy it would be to not ever leave baby and to turn all of my snuggling tendencies to the little one. A favorite blogger wrote about her experience with this here. 

Early Christmas present for Nick.

In an effort to combat this early, we have initiated weekly date nights. It has been the best part of pregnancy. Every Friday or Saturday night is reserved for the two of us to go to dinner and talk and hang out as a couple. We have been making some big efforts to trim spending but Nick asked that we not cut our dinner budget. For the time being, I agree. Besides, without wine, I'm a pretty cheap date.

Saturday evening I started getting ready earlier than usual. I do love getting dressed up and going out. But it's taking me longer to get ready as it is getting harder to pretend that my body is the same. I put on a red dress that I bought when I found out I was pregnant. It is not maternity but it stretches and has an empire waist. I am now showing but if you didn't know, you might just think I have a funny shape. The dress was only accentuating that. In another month it'll probably be cute but now, even Nick was concerned (He never says anything bad about my appearance but is more honest than most guys, and it is usually quite helpful). After a few outfit changes, we were out the door. 

We went to Amore Victoria. It is this great Italian place a few blocks from our first apartment. We used to go there all the time when I first moved here. We sat at a table that only had a booth against the wall and no chairs on the other side. It was very Parisian and the only table like that. It felt like we were there to watch everybody else. We had giant pasta dishes and lots of bread and oil. I even had a glass of sparkling n.a. cider in a champagne glass.

The Kitchen of Amore as we were leaving.

 After dinner we made a date night exception and went to a party hosted by my friend Sam. All of the guests save Nick and I, were theater students at the same college. We listened to Christmas music on vinyl and played with silly British party favors. At 12:30, after drinking too much hot cider (rum), Nick started tugging on my arm and we left to drive home. We got out to my car just as the expected snowstorm was starting.

We awoke in the morning to find everything covered in beautiful heavy snow. It continued all day. Nick, Toby, and I stayed inside watching snowfall and football. We invited friends over for the game but did not expect anybody due to the weather. Right at the start of the Vikings game, I heard footsteps in the mudroom. Elise spent an hour and a half walking the three miles to join us. It was really nice. I made brownies and we all cozied on the couch and watched the Vikings win. 

Toby taking advantage of a snow day.

I do not usually write my days but as I look outside and see everything buried and quiet, it is hard to not want to capture this time. I am learning how to embrace my changing days and these simple moments remind me that the important things are still there hidden in the everyday.

The Next Part of Our Story: Not Not Surprised

  I do not know how to write without telling the truth. Maybe that is something funny to say for a fiction writer but Hemingway said that fiction is writing the trust sentence that you know. And blog writing is my adult version of the journals I kept in high school and college. It is the place where I share myself, where I write my own life. It is not always neat or pretty but it is always honest. And because I had a secret that I was not ready to share, I have been silent for the better part of two months.

Because of my silence, the words I have to share are tripping over themselves, racing one another to make it to the page. Writing is how I organize my thoughts and so my mind right now is like taking the contents of your desk and dumping it all over the floor. Excuse the mess while I pick everything up and put it back where it belongs. I guess I should just say it and then we can begin to backtrack and I will do my best to catch you up.

Nick and I are expecting a baby on May 19th.

It's true. It's still hard to believe but the pounding heartbeat that we got to hear yesterday tells me it is real. I have been very sick and so I have spent more time thinking about how to feel better than I have about becoming a mother. I am also a worrier (inherited from my father) so I have been afraid to share too early. I had this strong desire to take the news, celebrate privately, bundle it up, and keep it safe. With two ultrasounds, a strong heartbeat, and a scheduled appointment to find out the sex (10:40am on December 20th), I am getting more comfortable with embracing my new role.

Pregnancy is more of a journey than I ever could have imagined and I still have a long way to go. It blows my mind that every person that exists is because of a woman who has gone through this process. I try to think about that and it brings me comfort and a new level of respect for every mother I know.

Thanks Mom!

I am excited to start to feel movement and to find out boy or girl. I do not really have a preference and I go back and forth every day on what I think. The overall votes lean more heavily toward girl and if it is a girl, the name is finalized. If it is a boy, we are very up in the air. Yes, I will share the sex. No, I will not share the name.

Our Baby at 12w 3d. I love that little face.

Thank you for coming back to my blog after such an extended break. At least now, you might understand why. Moms always say that after the baby is born, you forget this time. My intention is to write on here more often, to share with you this journey, good and bad. This will not turn into a pregnancy or mom blog but as that is a part of my life now, it is a part of this blog.

I am reminded back to my first post. Nick and I were living together in the blue duplex in uptown. I hated my job and we were unmarried. Sometimes in the movement of everyday afternoons, you forget how much your life has changed, how far you have come. But when you take a moment, you realize you have arrived somewhere new, a place you did not know you could ever reach. My entire adult life, I have wondered if I would be able to have children, if Nick and I would create the family that we have talked so endlessly about. It has taken me months to let the gravity of the present settle in. Late this spring, Nick and I will be parents. This summer, I will hold a baby in my arms and it will belong to us.

Nick and I meeting our niece Kaia for the first time.

Simple Inspiration: Quote

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, 

a quickening that is translated through you into action, 

and because there is only one of you in all of time, 

this expression is unique. 

And if you block it, 

it will never exist through any other medium 

and it will be lost. The world will not have it. 

It is not your business to determine how good it is 

nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. 

It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, 

to keep the channel open. 

You do not even have to believe in yourself 

or your work. 

You have to keep yourself open 

and aware to the urges that motivate you. 

Keep the channel open… 

No artist is pleased. 

There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. 

There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, 

a blessed unrest that keeps us marching

and makes us more alive than the others.”  

 -Martha Graham